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Mardi, 29 Novembre 2011 18:30

Problem Kids on the X-Men Family Tree

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  • 12:30 pm  | 
  • Wired December 2011
Illustration: Marvel

Marvel Girl (a k a Jean Grey)
Illustration: Marvel

After nearly 50 years, Uncanny X-Men officially ended its run this fall. Sure, Marvel rebooted the series with an all-new #1 issue, but the big-tent team that made room for countless superegos is gone for good. When the original freak squad debuted in 1963, it had a mere five members, but it gained and lost so many new (and bizarre) characters over the years that it’s almost impossible to construct an accurate family history. Doesn’t mean we can’t try, though.

The Original X-Men (1963)

Angel, Beast, Cyclops, Iceman, Marvel Girl
Problem Child: Marvel Girl (aka Jean Grey) had a cosmic force take her identity, turned evil, ate a planet, got cloned, married Cyclops, raised her dead clone’s son in the future, and just generally had a very full iCal.

The Shifting ’60s

Changeling, Havok, Mimic, Polaris
Changeling died while in the form of Charles Xavier, convincing the X-Men that their leader was dead. He was later resurrected as a zombie on undead team X-Humed (zing!) but got out of it by impersonating Elvis Presley.

The Cosmopolitan ’70s

Banshee, Colossus, Nightcrawler, Storm, Sunfire, Thunderbird, Wolverine
Problem Child: Nightcrawler studied to be a Catholic priest, found out his father was Satan (well, Azazel), and died when he teleported into a villain’s hand. (Oops.)

The Electric ’80s

Dazzler, Forge, Kitty Pryde, Lockheed, Longshot, Magneto, Psylocke, Marvel Girl (aka Rachel Summers), Rogue
Problem Child: Telepath/model Psylocke had her eyes gouged out by a villain dressed as her brother before she joined the X-Men … then had her mind swapped into the body of a Japanese assassin … who later returned to battle her … before dying of mutant AIDS.

The Nostalgic ’90s

Bishop, Cannonball, Dr. Cecilia Reyes, Gambit, Joseph, Jubilee, Maggott, Marrow, Revanche
Problem Child: Maggott’s superpower? Two giant biomechanical slugs (Eany and Meany) live in his stomach and burrow out of his body to devour matter then transmit it back to him as energy. Hold the salt, please.

The Naughty ’00s

34 new names from Armor to Xorn—we won’t bore you with them all.
Problem Child:Chinese star-brain Xorn revealed himself as Magneto and destroyed most of NYC. Except he just thought he was Magneto. Then his twin brother, Xorn, showed up. Then we stopped reading comics.

The Disillusioned ’10s

Cypher, Frenzy, Hope, Legion, Warlock, X-Man
Problem Child: Hope will either be the savior of the mutant race or its destroyer, depending on who you ask. Either way, she can assume any mutant power—even pixie wings!


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